Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Happy, ending.

The world, they say, will come to an end in 2012. It hardly bothers me. The syllable at which Rolland Emerich, director of the disaster*, lost me was somewhere in the middle of the word 'world'. Shakespear thought it was a stage. But that was almost as disappointing as Rolland Emerich's conception of the physicalities of planet earth being dubbed as 'the world'.

'If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would seem to man as it is; infinte.'- William Blake.

If you hate innane babble then this is about when you should go to the address bar and type There, I've given you a link too to make it easy. Because the words 'everything' and 'infinte' may at their very sight cause a psycological indigestion or regurgitation. In that vague, awe-inspiring and possibly random rant, William Blake gives the definition of the world. Everything, infinite.

So going back to the beggining, to 'the ending of the world', and the fear that I should have with regards to it, I must say, that my feelings towards the same are rather antithetical. The world must end. The everlasting nature of something that is everything, infinite, is the origin of sorrow. Everything must come to an end. Everything that begins must end. Only the fatherless can weather time. My greatest fear is that death is not an end. Laziness is an illusion. Apathy to work is (for me) an offshoot of the fact that nothing is ever created. To last. Or to any real purpose. Then why waste precious hours of dying. For the verb used rightly must be dying not living. We are not approaching a ressurection unless the Bible is truely the word of god, and god indeed is what he is meant to be, and there is above all, a consensus on both those facts. Nor are we being reborn, unless the fragment of the soul that lives on really does remember or relate or learn from or have even an intangible relevance to anything pertaining to a previous life. We are heading towards an end. And it isn't half bad. Think of the best movie you ever watched or the best song you ever listened to. Think of the best kiss you had or the most sumptuos meal you ate. Now imagine them not ending. Imagine endless labor to retain a life that even at it's best most people resentfully accept. And imagine an unending afterlife full of penances and hauntings only to be reborn and a rebirth to follow it. Life is arduos. Very dearly I hope, that death isn't. I just hope that sense of being dissipidates and what follows is a blank. One that I am not capable of sensing. The obliteration of all senses is bliss.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Why I'd rather be a recluse

I'm not a teenager that no one understands. I'm not a reject. I don't have the sexual anxieties that would want to make me vent. I wasn't touched as a child. Not in that sense anyway. I'm not a goth. I'm not emo. I'm not really concious of myself. Basically I have none of the problems that I should, in order to shun the creed of man. Let me be direct. I do not shun the creed of man. In fact, I have sporadic bouts of affection for the likes of them. Nonetheless, I am severely disillusioned by daily life. By people, places and the routine that we call life. I cannot make the effort of conversation. Communication is a long lost sin. Talk is an overrate means of solving a dispute. Co-operation is nearly unneccessary. And I am a quasi-recluse. Absorbed by the likes of Hemmingway, Seth, Frost, Fitzgerald, Brown and other absurd men who have no relevance in my life or to this post. For a man so fond of people and their various perils, it is strange for me, believe it or not, to not pick up your calls, or text back, or meet you, or show the adequate amount of concern, but you musn't blame me, because I do not mean to resent you. And you could only blame me if I'd owe you. And I can never owe someone without resenting them in some kind or the other.
People I love are so far away from the people I dream of that the schism sometimes drowns me. And the infinite abyss, unto which I so often give myself, is not half as dark as the other side of the schism. The schism is a void. And more than anything else it is two things: unproductive and peaceful. Not mutually exclusive those two. For production or creation is always the the offshoot of some kind of conflict. In my little void, where I needn't acknowledge you, I am a happier person, with less to worry about, and lesser to disappoint me. The zenith of thought is there, alone. And it's almost incomprehensible. Every time I meet someone I seem to forget my precious reasons for being alone. And when I'm alone again I want to blame company for making me mutilate my solitude. It's funny that we call dogs stray. We're all stray beings. Living in awe of either some superstructure or assumption. The fruitlessness of compliance is evident in every replication of the face in a multitude. I want to spend this lifetime toying with perception. The overbearing nature of the human race will destroy the being. We must listen to music. We must watch movies. We must wear clothes. We must educate. We must get a job. Have a family. Work. Earn. Support. Die. But why must we? If the superimposition of rules and laws and assumptions is neccessary to curb the inherent evil nature of the human being then what use is it? But the Japanese woman must wear small wooden shoes, for otherwise the foot may grow. And well, but that would be ugly. I have ugly feet. I wish not to discomfit myself. And I wish not to explain.